


A Lifeguards' Shit List

by animelover133



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Don't try this at home kids, F/M, Lifeguard Reader, Public pool, Reader Is Not Chara (Undertale), Reader Is Not Frisk (Undertale), Sans is on your shit list, Summer, fake drowning, summer job
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25940938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animelover133/pseuds/animelover133
Summary: You're just trying to get through summer in one sunburnt piece, but it's difficult being a lifeguard at a public pool. So much noise and people and...is someone drowning?!
Relationships: Sans (Undertale)/Reader
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	A Lifeguards' Shit List

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little one-shot while my wedding day closes in! Hope you guys are enjoying your summer!

You were never going to do this summer job again. Or any summer job. Sure, you had the skills and knowledge, but you would much rather avoid this entire summer. Too many people, too much sun, too much noise and not enough pay.

In a nutshell, lifeguard duty sucked.

“Walk, don’t run!” you ordered for the billionth time today.

Of course, the four kids who you were addressing ignored your words and continued to chase one another. Typical children. You sighed, leaning back in your chair and crossing your legs, shielding your eyes from the sun with your hand. It was a dry heat that just beat down endlessly and either forced everyone to crank up their A/C or send them here to the pool. And lucky you, many people took that second option.

Spread out before you was the massive public pool, complete with two different slides that sat on the deep end area and a separate hot tub off to the side. And, as per usual for a hot summer Saturday as today, the place was packed. The picnic tables, every single lounge chair and all other available spots was taken, the parking lot was filled with families and friends of every shape, size and race. To be more specific, human and monster races.

You couldn’t help but be jealous of the monsters and their human companions, especially today. Your friend and awesome co-worker, Shyren, wasn’t working today and had left you with another monster whom you just…did _not_ get along with. Aaron was okay when others were around, but he tended to be a little too friendly when facing him alone. Thankfully, he was stuck on the other side of the pool near the slides and keeping a watchful eye on everything over there.

You smiled as a young human boy splashed a bear cub monster, the two of them laughing in such a sweet and natural way. Well, until the boy made a weird face and practically screamed that he had peed.

 _Oh god, kill me now,_ you groaned in your head.

This day just kept going and going, like time was at a standstill; when was it going to end? It was hot, you were mentally done with everything, your bikini was riding up in places it shouldn’t, and it was only 2 in the afternoon. You would much rather be relaxing in the comfort of your own home or heading to a beach yourself.

Aaron, who always seemed to sense when you were uncomfortable or restless, looked up in your direction and nodded his head to the lifeguard booth. Guess it was time for a break, which was fine by you. Aaron was half-fish and knew what he was doing. You got up from your chair and headed for the booth, ready to down a water bottle and three bags of chips.

“BROTHER OF MINE! YOU FORGOT YOUR FLOATIE DEVICES!”

Holy. Crap. Talk about outdoor voice.

“Oh, the poor dear.”

“It’s a good thing he doesn’t have lungs.”

Standing on the edge of the pool where the pool started to get deep was a group of monsters with two human teenagers, all peering down into the pool in the most nonchalant manner. What was going on? You tilted your head to get a look for yourself and your stomach dropped.

“You should have told me there was someone drowning!” you gasped, running over to the group.

The one you were standing next to – a tall skeleton with four sets of floaties on? – glanced down at you and shrugged.

“I ALREADY TOLD HIM NOT TO JUMP IN, BUT HE REFUSED TO LISTEN! HE’LL BE FINE!”

One of the human teens smirked down at the water. “Wonder how long it’ll take to get him out.”

Were these people seriously just going to stand aside while their friend was drowning? Monsters could be so ridiculously naïve, but the two humans with them weren’t even blinking an eyelid. Well, if they weren’t going to do anything, you certainly would. It was your job, after all.

You took a step back, then rushed forward and dived effortlessly into the cool water, your vision going blurry as you swam down to the fuzzy image at the bottom. Once you were within reaching distance, you grabbed hold of whatever you could and tugged. They didn’t even budge as you tried in vain to pull them to the surface. Holy crap, how heavy could one person be while underwater?!

_Come on, work with me here._

You continued to tug on them with every ouch of strength, hoping they would get the message. Were they unconscious? Or worse, possibly dead? Maybe they couldn’t swim and fell in? Oh god, and now they were dead, and you were touching a dead body and you were sooo gonna get fired for this.

You reinforced your grip and felt for the bottom of the pool with your feet, your lungs beginning to burn. They shifted but made no move to swim. Oh thank the gods, that meant they were still alive. Perhaps you weren’t far off the mark on them not knowing how to swim?

_Okay. Just gotta push us to the top. One…two…three!_

You shoved yourself and your deadweight companion upwards, surprised by the sudden lack of gravity as you shot upwards. Your head hit the surface and your body automatically gasped for air, inhaling and coughing as you yanked your charge up beside you. Their head popped up, but they didn’t fight for oxygen or even try to get out of the pool or your grip.

“O-oh d-d-dear, are you alright?”

“Sheesh, just think if Glitterbot tagged along. He’d be milking the drama right now.”

“Undyne, grab Sans so she can get out. Poor thing looks exhausted.”

Your body couldn’t seem to intake enough air and you were struggling to stay afloat while helping your odd companion stay above as well. You continued to cough as your load was taken from you before a cool hand grabbed hold of your arms and effortlessly lifted you out of the water and onto dry land. You all but collapsed into a heap and tried to focus on breathing without coughing up water.

“Damn, Sans. Your joke went a bit too far this time. She almost died.”

“This was not funny, Chara. And watch your language.”

Wait, did you hear that right? “This…this was some stupid prank?”

“uh…let me explain…um- “

You were finally breathing normally again and pushed yourself to your feet. Despite the cool water dripping off your body, you were boiling in rage. You took in all the faces around you before setting your sights on the only one standing in a puddle of water.

“ _You_.”

It was a monster, a skeleton in swimming trunks and sporting a very guilty expression on their bony face. Despite his awkward grin, he clearly knew he was in the hot seat.

“This is a public pool, if you haven’t noticed. I could care less if you mess around, but doing something like _that_ is not funny. I have a job to keep everyone safe here and you should never joke about drowning here. It’s just immature and foolish! Next time, use some common sense.”

You had half a mind to kick this monster out, but he was clearly with friends and family who would probably protest and cause a scene. Fuming, you stormed off and made your way into the break room to grab yourself some refreshing water. As you took a drink, you heard someone come in and turned around.

“Oh. Hey, Nick.” You pointed to the cooler of water bottles. “Want one?”

The blue bunny shook his head. “No, just came to check up on you. Lola and I saw that whole fiasco with Sans…well, we figured you needed one of these.”

He presented a nice cream to you with a smile, an offer you couldn’t refuse. Taking it the cold treat, you thanked him and took a lick, your taste buds dancing at the delicious flavors. Oh, this was exactly what you needed right now.

“So you know who that was, then?”

“Heh, yeah. Nearly everyone does, actually.”

“It was anything but funny.” you scoffed, shaking your head.

Nick sheepishly grinned. “Sans is…he can take things too far sometimes. But he has a good SOUL.”

“Pretending to drown in a public pool is more than ‘too far’, Nick.”

You took a bite of your nice cream in thoughtless anger, letting it melt in your mouth. You munched your way through it in quick succession, in a much better mood than you had a moment ago.

“Feeling better?”

“Thanks to you.” You stood up. “But we’d better get back to work.”

Nick bid you farewell and the two of you went back to your designated areas. As you climbed your way into your lifeguard chair, you spotted Aaron waving at you. You gave a thumbs up, going back to watching over all the swimmers and yelling at runners.

That, however, was interrupted when a can of soda floated into your lap, making you gasp and jump.

“oops. uh, sorry about that. probably should’ve warned ya first.”

You glanced down to see, who else, but the infamous “drowner”. He was holding a stack of wrapped hotdogs in one hand and another can of soda in the other, looking very guilty.

“What do you want, _Sans_?”

He flinched at your tone. “heh. so you’ve heard of me, then? guess i might be a celebrity.”

“Nick told me after your little stunt, actually.”

“…oh. well, i haven’t got your name yet.”

So he was obviously trying to get back into your good graces, huh? You had half a mind to tell him off and chuck his apology gift back in his face…but perhaps that was too dramatic for you.

“…Y/n.”

The nervous look on his face lessened a tad, a small grin coming onto his face. “whale, nice to meet you.”

…

…

…

“sorry, that was stup- “

“You shore know how to make an interesting first impression.”

He blinked up at you and you couldn’t help but feel a bit proud at making this jokester silent. Guess he hadn’t been prepared for that one.

“uh…good one.” He looked away and opened his soda, taking a big gulp. “didn’t take you for a pun girl.”

“I’m not, but it was worth it to see that look on your face.” You flicked open his peace offering, taking a sip of the fizzy drink. “You’re still on my shit list, though.”

“how high?” he inquired.

You pursued your lips in exaggerated thought. “Probably right under my 6th grade teacher and that one kid in high school that thought he was cool for bullying me.”

“just third place? i need to do better.” He nodded to the tin foiled hot dogs in his opposite hand. “what if i started stackin’ these on your head?”

“Okay, now you’re talking. Distracting a lifeguard while on duty, that’s disgraceful.”

He was smiling freely now, the previous tension ebbing away. He floated a hot dog up to you in response. You thanked him and unwrapped it, only to find the thing absolutely _smothered_ in ketchup. The look on your face must have been amazing because Sans immediately begins to laugh, the deep-bellied kind that can easily get contagious.

You simply shake your head and smile at him, making a show to take a huge bite. Ketchup explodes in and around your mouth, but you manage to swallow it down. Sans is still laughing when you look at him with a mock-glare and say in the most deadpan voice you can muster,

“Now you’re first on that list.”


End file.
